woman holding baby beside man smiling

The Role of Sexual Intercourse

Sexual intercourse was designed by God to unify a married couple and to further participate in God’s ongoing creation.

What is Marriage?

Marriage is the union of a male and female for the rest of their lives. This is not just a Catholic definition, but a universal one. Today’s world is the first time in history that attempts have been made to redefine marriage.

The spouses make a mutual promise (commitment) to each other to support and love one another so long as they both shall live (marital unity is broken at death). The goal of marriage is to help your spouse get to heaven.

Marriage is a sacrament and all sacraments have signs. The way the sacrament is carried out is through the couple getting married, not the priest. Each spouse is the medium through which each half of the union receives grace; the vows that they say at marriage are binding.

Sex in Marriage is a Sacramental Sign

The sign of marital unity, as has been the custom of many, many cultures and is a very ancient sign, is sexual intercourse. A marriage is not made whole (consummated) until the couple has sexual intercourse.

Sex is a unitive action in which the couple unite themselves to each other with God (in marriage, not fornication). The gift of sex also has another natural function and that is to reproduce. The sexual organs make up our reproductive system.

The two primary purposes of sexual intercourse are to unite the couple and to create more people. God gave us the gift of sex to participate in his Creation. To use the sexual organs in a manner that is not ordered towards unity of a married couple or creating further life is wrongly ordered or disordered.

Another gift of sexual intercourse is pleasure. The role of pleasure in sex is a well-debated topic however pleasure is a part of the sex act for many possible reasons. The Pleasure in sexual intercourse helps create the unity. Also it may be that since the pain of childbearing is so great we have a moment of pleasure to help ease that. Whatever the reason we know it exists.

To have sex simply for pleasure or to have the sexual organs stimulated in such a way where pleasure is the only objective is hedonistic and wrong. To obtain sexual pleasure only for itself demeans the sanctity of humanity and hurts at least one person.

Using a human being as a means to an end is wrong. Some may not think that they are not hurting anyone when in fact they may be hurting themself most of all. Seeking pleasure for the sake of pleasure reduces human existence to a piece of entertainment only to be thrown away when it no longer gives us a thrill.

A proper marriage cannot occur in this fashion because it does not allow the person(s) affected by this to freely and truly love his or her spouse. His or her spouse merely becomes a means to an end. The spouse is used to “get something”. Marriage is about mutual giving, self-giving.

Even in sexual intercourse can a person be abused or used as a means to an end. It is not to say that all sexual acts other than intercourse are the only ones in which people seek pleasure in and of itself.

In any case where the sexual organs are used merely for pleasure or cannot be used to unify a married couple and produce children (if the couple is biologically capable of producing children) then that is wrongly ordered. Sexual intercourse is ordered toward the unification of male and female in love to produce children as a fruit of that love.

20 thoughts on “The Role of Sexual Intercourse”

  1. According to my understanding of the above article if the married couple is beyond child bearing years then having sex is no longer a life giving act so it is not a valid way of bonding the married couple and keeping them together for the rest of their lives if they are able to engage in sexual intercourse? So if my wife refuses to have sex with me since we are beyond our child bearing years she is perfectly entitled to refuse to have sex with her husband? So since the married couple can no longer conceive children the couple is not supposed to have sexual intercourse?

  2. Pope Francis was asked by a German journalist for his thoughts on the findings of some polls that most Filipinos think the population growth in the country, with each woman having on average three children, is one of the chief reasons for its poverty, and that many there disagree with Catholic teaching on contraception.

  3. So when Paul advices men to flee fornication or the appearances of sin in 2Timothy, u mean he was not scriptural. And when he also advices men who burn to marry in 1Cor7, if they can’t stay celibate like him, u mean he was being doctrinal. Comon Ken, pre-marital defeats God’s purpose.

  4. May even people are right or wrong, I’m just guessing. Some people even kill (murdering someone), rob, steal and it’s hard to catch bad people etc: bad guys, bad women

  5. I Love this.
    May God bless you, your ministry, and the entire Christians .
    May the Holy Spirit continue to guide and teach the Catholic Faith and lead us salvation.
    Bless Be God

  6. U can still have a sexual and marital relationship with him ask god and after the deed is done repent (alot)

    Sorry this comment might not help much the reason for It being that I am only 15

    1. Pie is right. That would be a false repentance, b/c true repentance is metanoia, ‘afterthought’. It involves a change of mind & heart, not just outward behavior; & for love of God, not merely an attempt to avoid damnation. Damnation would still result if ACTUAL repentance still did not happen. To plan to 1st sin & 2nd repent, but then to not change inside, is to stay on the same course of loving sin more than loving God. True repentance is to hate the sin one once committed, & to at least try to turn from temptation to do it again. But engaging in adultery fuels the already illicit lust, making it even harder to avoid the temptation to sin even more. And since the man is still married to another woman, no other marital relationship is possible (unless the other woman has already died).

      One might say the man’s marriage ‘ended physically’, but Christ Himself said the 2 have become 1 flesh. No one can turn 1 flesh back into 2, like unscrambling a egg. No need to ask God; He has already spoken (quoting the KJV here, b/c in it the translation of this passage is accurate, the OP is a Protestant, the KJV is highly regarded in the LCMS & among most Protestants, & the 2 synoptic passages are some of the few most overlooked by Protestants & possibly by many Catholics too):

      And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (Mk 10:2–12)

      If any Christians refuse to accept this, it’s worse than any unrepentance by the brothers of the Rich Man: Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send [Lazarus] to my father’s house: For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment. Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them. And he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent. And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead. (Lk 16:27–31) They wouldn’t hear even God Incarnate, Who rose from the dead, & Whom they claim to be their Lord & Savior.

  7. Jeanne, I’m not a very religious person. As I’ve had a long history with a bunch of churches as a child and was baptized Jehovah Witness, and practiced that religion for about 6 years of my childhood. So i don’t know a lot about the Catholic religion. My husband is, however, Catholic. And what I gather from talking to his family, is that Catholics do NOT believe in divorce. There is only one way to get a divorce when you’re a Catholic, and that’s an annulment (I believe that’s what they said)

    1. As some replies to other comments below say, an annulment isn’t a divorce. It’s a determination that what up until that point apparently was a valid marriage is actually not valid, e.g. there was coercion, it wasn’t consummated, a party was underage… ‘Null’ is a synonym of ‘void’, like a ‘voided check’. Such a ‘check’ does not count as an actual check.

  8. I have fallen in love with a catholic man who has not lived with his wife for 6yrs. He tells me he cannot get divorced and he can’t have sexual relations with me because he will not go to heaven. I am a Christian baptized and confirmed, as are my children, Lutheran Missouri synod our faith and churches are very much alike. I want him to have peace in The Lord but I do not understand why he cannot divorce. His marriage ended physically yrs ago. Please help me with an answer

    1. I am posting a half year behind, but will do so anyway. Regardless of whatever marital troubles this man is going through for however long, marriage only ends at the death of one of the spouses. To have pre-marital sex will kill both of your relationships with God ending with Hell if not repented of. He is married, and as such off limits. In the beginning, there was no divorce. When Christ came he restored the true meaning of marriage. Meaning there is no divorce of a sacramental marriage. An annulment is a declaration that a sacramental marriage never existed between a male and female to begin with, and only rightfully given when PROVEN. To pursue a relationship with him will make you an adulterer (this includes any time during which an annulment is being investigated), and if he concedes will make him an adulterer as well, killing both of your relationships with God and putting both of you on the path to Hell. If you truly love (agape) this person, you will cease and desist any thought of pursuing a relationship. Most likely this will entail removing yourself from common occasions of acquaintance. I hope this helps.

      1. I believe you are totally wrong. God forgives all sins no matter what they are. Having Sexual relations before marriage is not a sin in the eyes of God only in the eyes of the Catholic Doctrine, which is manmade and the doctrine did not come from God as the Bible did.

        1. So when Paul advices men to flee fornication or the appearances of sin in 2Timothy, u mean he was not scriptural. And when he also advices men who burn to marry in 1Cor7, if they can’t stay celibate like him, u mean he was being doctrinal. Comon Ken, pre-marital defeats God’s purpose.

    2. Carmen Montanez

      An annulment is not a divorce. Marriage is a Sacrament. An annulment is a declaration by a Church tribunal (a Catholic church court) that a marriage thought to be valid according to Church law actually fell short of at least one of the essential elements required for a binding union from the beginning (United States conference of Catholic Bishops) – see more information here: http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/annulment/

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