Relationships

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This topic contains 35 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Andres Ortiz 10 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #1069

    Siberian
    Member

    Alright, this could be a juicy topic. So, what are your guys/girls thoughts on kissing/hugging/holding hands in a relationship???

    #4694

    Depends. Highschool relationship? All that stuff is stupid, superficial, and usually just meant to attract OTHER people’s attention.

    Past high school, hugging and holding hands are always fine, and as long as you don’t take kissing out of control, that’s fine as well.

    #4698

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    I never hugged or held my girlfriend’s hand to attract attention. It was all about her. I was giving attention to her.

    #4700

    Are you in highschool? You have no idea how shallow most people in highschool are.

    #4703

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:2foeuqdf]Are you in highschool? You have no idea how shallow most people in highschool are.[/quote:2foeuqdf]
    I was in high school 5 years ago and that’s exactly the time period in my life I was referring to. <img src=” title=”Smile” />

    #4705

    [quote:1znp13ra]Alright, this could be a juicy topic. So, what are your guys/girls thoughts on kissing/hugging/holding hands in a relationship???[/quote:1znp13ra]

    I did it all the time when I was young. But that was with my grandmother. :lol:

    #4706

    [quote:1qzfyenp][quote:1qzfyenp]Are you in highschool? You have no idea how shallow most people in highschool are.[/quote:1qzfyenp]
    I was in high school 5 years ago and that’s exactly the time period in my life I was referring to. <img src=” title=”Smile” />[/quote:1qzfyenp]

    Well then, I applaud you. But I still think most highschool relationships are incredibly worthless, most are based on shallow intentions, and practically none represent something positive. Of course there are exceptions–mayeb you were one–but I have not found any worth speaking of.

    To clarify, I don’t think highschool relationships are INHERANTLY bad, I just think *most* highschool students absolutely butcher them, and what they are supposed to be.

    #4707

    Siberian
    Member

    Well we are both in High School, but we also both go to differnt schools. So we arent trying to attract attention from anywhere, actually we have to hide the relationship for the most part cause we are both in the military in the same unit on the same course. <img src=” title=”Razz” /> so there is no public displays of affection on site. I dunno, just when we are together I love her so much I almost cant help myself. I dunno, what a hard time in life. When we do kiss I actually am cosious about what we do and how far it does go, but I just dont know… CONFUSED…. owell.. thoughts comments???

    #4708

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:10ezopea]To clarify, I don’t think highschool relationships are INHERANTLY bad, I just think *most* highschool students absolutely butcher them, and what they are supposed to be.[/quote:10ezopea]
    But that’s part of the process of learning about relationships. There are no guides or manuals that can help someone perfect a relationship. People need practice. That’s why we are here – to guide those who need guidance.

    I think high school relationships are very important in the development process of a person. But I also think that each young person should be able to have (an) adult(s) that he or she can talk with and hopefully model healthy relationships.

    #4709

    Well then, we disagree. I think highschool relationships are entirely unecessary, and, more often than not, harmful, and I have seen a ton of them. Neither of may parents had any major relationships in higschool, and they are now celebrating their 27 Anniversary.

    As for kissing, Siberian, the Catechism says that as long as you do not specifically provoke sexual tendencies, it is alright. And also, if it happens by accident becasue you gave her a hug or something, that is alright as well. But if you do it on purpose, outside of marriage, that is wrong.

    That would be the Catholic point of view.

    #4710

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    Then we should get rid of high school sports, music programs, youth ministry, etc. because it is unnecessary as well. I mean, those jocks all draw attention to themselves (especially the football and hockey players), band geeks all think they’re special because they belong to some exclusive club of instrument players and youth ministry just keeps kids busy – it doesn’t actually do anything.

    Heck, why even let high school kids out of the house? They’re just going to mess everything up. But suddenly, when they are adults they’ll know exactly how to do everything right and make better decisions!

    #4711

    Actually, sports games etc. are technically unnecessary, but they are enjoyable.

    Relationships are of course meant to be enjoyable, but that is not the ONLY thing they are meant to do. If it was, having Sex outside of marriage would be no problem since we are only in it for the pleasure, right?

    Being sarcastic might be funny but the unavoidable truth is that MOST highschool kids have no idea what on earth a reltainship really entails. Do they immediately learn after they get out of highschool? No, but at least outside of highschool there is a reason for it. In Highschool, there is no reason and they can be harmful AND they often take attanetion away from thigns that ARE important in higschool, such as one’s family and one’s studies.

    #4712

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:184xhr5u]Being sarcastic might be funny but the unavoidable truth is that MOST highschool kids have no idea what on earth a reltainship really entails.[/quote:184xhr5u]
    That’s why I said earlier that ideally kids would have adults to help them in their relationships. If they don’t know in high school when will they know? Who is going to show them? How will they ever learn?

    [quote:184xhr5u]In Highschool, there is no reason and they can be harmful AND they often take attanetion away from thigns that ARE important in higschool, such as one’s family and one’s studies.[/quote:184xhr5u]
    “Can be” is the operative phrase here. Not all are. What do you mean by harmful? How are high school relationships harmful?

    [quote:184xhr5u]Actually, sports games etc. are technically unnecessary, but they are enjoyable.[/quote:184xhr5u]
    Sports are not done simply because they are enjoyable. That may be the perceived need a young person joining a sport, but often times they also receive unperceived nedds such as leadership skills and teamwork. Learning how to work with peers, maintaining good health, developing motor skills, etc. are all benefits of sports. Plus, for some young people sports becomes a career. Eventually many athletes become coaches and help instill these same values.

    It’s not just enjoyable and it’s not meaningless. Beyond the surface there is much more.

    Did you have a bad experience in a relationship one time?

    #4713

    No actually, I avoid relationships, period.

    Also, you are arguing sports are useful. There you go, they are useful.

    I don’t see how highschool relationships are at all useful.

    #4714

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:2t5trgpc] I think highschool relationships are entirely unecessary, and, more often than not, harmful, and I have seen a ton of them. Neither of may parents had any major relationships in higschool, and they are now celebrating their 27 Anniversary. [/quote:2t5trgpc]

    Well, my parents will be celebrating their 28th wedding anniversary this summer and they both had relationships in high school.

    I have had several other people express opinions similar to yours. In their cases, they had a bad experience in highschool and were trying to dissuade others from doing what they did, a noble intention, but possibly not for the best. I am NOT saying this is what you are doing, but your explanations and options sound familiar to what I have heard.

    No, we cannot let youth run rampant doing everything their “primordial animal drives” would let them. Not all high school relationships are about sex and being seductive. I can think of five couples in highschool I knew personally that did not have that mind-set. Those same people had supportive parents and friends to help guide them.

    All things in moderation, I argue that many highschool relationships do have a purpose. High school relationships help to build up social skills, skills that help youth relate to those we love. They help youth to become better people for their marriages/vocations later on. However, a guideline would be that in any relationship, one should not do anything he or she would not want their future husband/wife to be doing with someone else.

    Many youth go away for college, as a parent I would be nervous if my child had not had any relationships before leaving home, especially if he or she had interest in someday having relationships. I would not know if my child had the skills or felt comfortable coming to me or my spouse for guidance.

    #4715

    I am not condemning all relationships. But in EVERY SINLGE CASE that I have observed, it has never been particularly great and has often been harmful. Here are a few side effects of “relationships” that my friends have endured.

    One got extremely depressed after being dumped by her boyfriend, to the point that she would get into arguments about EVERYTHING over NOTHING with ANYONE.

    The aformentioned boyfriend has treated at least four or five girls like crap.

    One of my friends has basically NO self esteem thanks to all the people like YOU GUYS saying how important these relationships are, and yet he has never been able to sustain one, and now he basically feels like a complete failure at life.

    Another of my friends, whose relationships are the least destructive of any, often has to hurt the girls he goes out with because after a while he jsut cannot keep up with demands. He would rather play golf, basketball, and hang out at the mall than be constantly talking on the phone and holding hands in move theatres with his girlfriends. Due to this he has hurt people, and has ended up with friendships being worse off then they should be.

    And these are just a FEW things. They are by no means the worst or even very many. Also, people should not have to “practice” relationships, as far as I’m concnerned. I believe there is one person out there that God has created for us to marry, and unless you think your current relationship could possibly be that person, it is pointless.

    Cheers,

    #4716

    Siberian
    Member

    Ok wow this did stirr up a hornets nest, but thats ok, obviously its a topic worth talking about… slightly confused from an above statement…

    [quote:3cy2m9q4]As for kissing, Siberian, the Catechism says that as long as you do not specifically provoke sexual tendencies, it is alright. And also, if it happens by accident becasue you gave her a hug or something, that is alright as well. But if you do it on purpose, outside of marriage, that is wrong. [/quote:3cy2m9q4]

    Ok when you say “But when you do it on purpose, outside of marriage, that is wrong.” are you saying, that if I kiss her on purpose its wrong, or if we are kissing and the next thing we know were all over eachother its wrong… confused… cause I definitly meant to kiss her <img src=” title=”Razz” /> Also if the answer was the second one, does that mean that as long as its just an accident its ok? Cause i can see problems with that point of view, the human mind couldnt help but to justify itself in such a circumstance…

    #4717

    Hmm… reading the Cathechism would be better than listening to me.

    I don’t mean its wrong to kiss, I mean it is wrong to evoke Sexual… uh, what is the word? I can’t remember. Sexual something.

    But no, kissing is alright pretty much. I think. lol. I know I’m not being much help.

    #4718

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:3uoo93nq]
    Also, people should not have to “practice” relationships, as far as I’m concnerned. I believe there is one person out there that God has created for us to marry, and unless you think your current relationship could possibly be that person, it is pointless. [/quote:3uoo93nq]

    GEEZ, I thought you were saying ALL high school relationships were bad, even the ones when you thought that the person is someone you might marry one day.

    I quite agree with you that a person should not date just for the heck of it. Dating has a purpose…to find your future marriage partner. Even those relationships that do not turn out to be that future spouse were not a waste, especially if you had a chance to grow in faith and love of other human beings. In high school, I dated. I knew that when I dated a guy in high school it had to be because there was a chance that guy could be the one I someday marry or that the relationship would bring him and/or I closer to God and give us a deeper appreciation for other people in general. For instance, dating a person of another faith has caused many people to convert or become stronger in their faith. This kind of relationship cannot be called useless and harmful; I think you would agree.
    Experiencing friendship and other relationships allow high school youth to learn to balance life’s challenges. The people in the relationships that have rough endings probably would be able to handle the breakups better if they could have this outlook from the start that God has a plan and maybe that previous relationship was for the purpose of growing and building up relationship skills and faith so as to become more Christlike for his or her future spouse.

    I agree that when people date just for the social status or novelty it can and most likely would be harmful; this is not the kind of relationship “practice” that I was referring to in my previous posts. I think there was a miscommunication there. :oops: I am also sorry your friends and acquaintances had bad experiences. My prayers are with them.

    #4719

    Well thats what I am saying. I do not think ALL highschool relationships are terrible, but I personally have never observed a positive one.

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