Jokes or Inspiration…

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  • #1064
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    With so much thinking we do on the forum, I thought I’d set aside a place for us to laugh or get inspired. Feel free to tell a joke or an interesting story that will inspire.

    ~Victor

    #4652
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    What happened to the indian who drank tea all night?

    He drowned in his own tea-pee

    Yeah, yeah, corny, I know. But it is funny, ya gotta admit that!

    #4659
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

    The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

    My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

    Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

    He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

    #4664
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    hehe, thats awesome. Alright, on military terms (sorry im in the military so those are the only jokes i got)

    Has anyone seen the latest french tank???
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    One gear for forward
    Five gears for reverse

    – WW2 Joke
    Its ok if no one found it funny but i heard it during an armoured tactics class. <img loading=” title=”Very Happy” />

    #4858
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns. After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

    #4864
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    ROFL! That was a good one.

    Trouble with my jokes is that so many of them are Michael Jackson jokes… lol

    #5399
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos.
    Not surprisingly, some worshiper at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
    Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the
    churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches
    send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for
    sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin
    and cashed in.

    Of course, this is done by the chip monk.

    ~Victor

    #5400
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    The venerable Sts. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore have all served as chip monks.

    #5401
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    [quote:3i284jjk]This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos.
    Not surprisingly, some worshiper at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
    Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the
    churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches
    send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for
    sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin
    and cashed in.

    Of course, this is done by the chip monk.

    ~Victor[/quote:3i284jjk]

    :mrgreen: Very good one.

    #5405
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    A man had been shipwrecked on a desert island for a number of years. Finally, one day a ship came, right as he was cooking coconut stew for the umpteenth time…

    The captain came to shore, greeted the man, but looked around expectantly.

    “What are you looking for?” the castaway asked.

    “Well, I see three huts, but I only see one person! Where is everyone else?”

    “There’s just me,” the man said.

    “But, three huts?”

    “Well that one with the smoke coming out of the hole in the ceiling is my home,” the castaway said, proudly.

    “How about that one?” the captain asked, pointed to the next hut.

    “That’s where I go to church,” was the answer.

    “And that one?” the captain asked, pointing to the last hut.

    “Oh,” said the castaway, “that’s where I used to go to church.”

    #5406
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    [quote:3azrapwy]A man had been shipwrecked on a desert island for a number of years. Finally, one day a ship came, right as he was cooking coconut stew for the umpteenth time…

    The captain came to shore, greeted the man, but looked around expectantly.

    “What are you looking for?” the castaway asked.

    “Well, I see three huts, but I only see one person! Where is everyone else?”

    “There’s just me,” the man said.

    “But, three huts?”

    “Well that one with the smoke coming out of the hole in the ceiling is my home,” the castaway said, proudly.

    “How about that one?” the captain asked, pointed to the next hut.

    “That’s where I go to church,” was the answer.

    “And that one?” the captain asked, pointing to the last hut.

    “Oh,” said the castaway, “that’s where I used to go to church.”[/quote:3azrapwy]

    he he he….good one Elka.. :lol:

    ~Victor

    #5407
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    [quote:39hp4u2i]A man had been shipwrecked on a desert island for a number of years. Finally, one day a ship came, right as he was cooking coconut stew for the umpteenth time…

    The captain came to shore, greeted the man, but looked around expectantly.

    “What are you looking for?” the castaway asked.

    “Well, I see three huts, but I only see one person! Where is everyone else?”

    “There’s just me,” the man said.

    “But, three huts?”

    “Well that one with the smoke coming out of the hole in the ceiling is my home,” the castaway said, proudly.

    “How about that one?” the captain asked, pointed to the next hut.

    “That’s where I go to church,” was the answer.

    “And that one?” the captain asked, pointing to the last hut.

    “Oh,” said the castaway, “that’s where I used to go to church.”[/quote:39hp4u2i]

    I love that one! Out of curiosity, do you visit Envoy Magazines message boards? That is where I heard that from. If you don’t , nevermind!

    #5408
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    No, I don’t have any experience with Envoy’s site, thought it sounds like I should!

    My sister told me this one. Not sure where she got it, but she’s a Southern Baptist chaplain, and there’s no telling.

    #5425
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    It is not good to be in the ministry of lectors and have an anxiety about having a slip of the tongue-but alas that is me.

    In our church the lector also reads the intentions. When I do I am always afraid I will make the blooper of saying “Let’s pray for all those sick of our church”

    That probably fits in with the church bulletin blooper; Potluck supper Tuesday at 6:00, followed by hour of prayer and medication. :rolleyes:

    #5426
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I did not mean to “post a new topic”-sorry.

    #5427
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    If there was a way to move posts between threads, I would transfer you to the Joke thread.

    What you can do is just repost in that thread and I can delete this one.

    #5428

    Actually, yes there is a way. <img loading=” title=”Wink” /> I’ll take care of it.

    #5429
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I love bulletin bloopsers:

    “Self esteem class on Thursday at six; come in through back door”

    “Pastor to give homily on what Hell is. Come Early and see our choir perform”

    :lol:

    #5435
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    [quote:104qx6eh]I love bulletin bloopsers:

    “Self esteem class on Thursday at six; come in through back door”

    “Pastor to give homily on what Hell is. Come Early and see our choir perform”

    :lol:[/quote:104qx6eh]

    …. :lol:
    ha ha ha
    good one.

    ~Victor

    #5864

    Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school. The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

    His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

    “Well,” Teddy replies, “today when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

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