Catholic-Lutheran Marriage

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This topic contains 37 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Bernardine 8 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #1458

    jent
    Member

    First, I would like to applaud all of you for the great job you do with this forum. I have run across numerous other forums in my search for information that are less interested in real learning and growth than in competing to be the “most Catholic” or bashing non-Catholics.

    My question is regarding marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic (Lutheran) and the subsequent religious life of their children. The main problem between my boyfriend and I in planning our future together is the question of how our children will be raised. I have agreed to a Catholic wedding and, as such, am aware of the promise he must make to do his best to raise our children in the Catholic faith. Although there are things I disagree with in the Catholic faith, I am respectful of it and believe that there are many very good things about it.

    My concern is that I have seen a condescending and hateful attitude toward Protestants in many Catholic congregations, although this is not necessarily taught in the Catholic faith. I have a sense of being “unwelcome” in many, though certainly not all, Catholic churches. In no way do I want my children to pick up that attitude. Further, I want my children to know and understand my faith in addition to the Catholic faith.

    Any thoughts on solutions or compromises in this dilemma? I have finally decided to post this question in this forum because of the thoughtfulness and love for non-Catholic Christians I have seen in your other responses.

    #7331

    weather
    Member

    :o I have been a Catholic for 48 years and have never seen any “un welcomes” to any faith at are Church.In fact are priest at St.Peters makes a statement “welcome to all visitors”.How does the parshioners know your Lutheran?.At our church we shake hands after the Lords Prayer and I don’t know what the persons relgious denomination is. In fact my wife who is a devout Catholic grow up with her dad a Lutheran and mother Catholic with no problems.

    #7333

    jent
    Member

    Thank you for the response. I should clarify. I’m not referring to an attitude toward ME, personally. I’m referring to a general attitude of condescention (whether intentional or not) toward Protestants/Lutherans and as such, myself.

    But, I am interested in your wife’s household growing up. How did they handle the mixed family? You mention that she is a devout Catholic…was she raised in the Catholic church alone?

    #7335

    Benedict
    Member

    I have found that cradle Catholics from polarized environments tend to have the most vocally negative attitude towards Protestants.

    Converts tend to be the most conciliatory towards Protestants due to experience. Bob the Baptist is the same guy now as when I was Benedict the Baptist.

    Based on that, you will want to join a congregation that is perhaps younger and includes a number of converts rather than an older congregation in an historically Catholic neighborhood. If you live near a Paulist parish[/url:2yd2d7s1], I can all but guarantee they will be friendly and accepting (you just have to watch out for orthodoxy as some Paulists are a bit out there; St. Paul the Apostle church in New York City used to be my parish).

    If there is ever any hostility or condescension towards you personally or Protestants in general in your parish, speak with the pastor and, if it comes to it, move to a new parish.

    #7336

    weather
    Member

    [quote:2pbjpza7]Thank you for the response. I should clarify. I’m not referring to an attitude toward ME, personally. I’m referring to a general attitude of condescention (whether intentional or not) toward Protestants/Lutherans and as such, myself.

    But, I am interested in your wife’s household growing up. How did they handle the mixed family? You mention that she is a devout Catholic…was she raised in the Catholic church alone?[/quote:2pbjpza7]

    I find this attitude also in the Lutheran Church(I have many Lutheran friends and I was a Lutheran till 1959) and I assume all others,It’s probalbly a human weakness in all of us.My wife’s mother and father were married for 65years until about 2 years when both died of a stroke within 6 months of each.They both were loving and caring people,he would go to his Lutheran and her to the Catholic Church(so I guess it can be done).

    #7338

    Victor
    Member

    [quote:ximb467u]First, I would like to applaud all of you for the great job you do with this forum. I have run across numerous other forums in my search for information that are less interested in real learning and growth than in competing to be the “most Catholic” or bashing non-Catholics. [/quote:ximb467u]
    [color=darkred:ximb467u]I know what you mean. Hope you enjoy it here.[/color:ximb467u]
    [quote:ximb467u]My question is regarding marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic (Lutheran) and the subsequent religious life of their children. The main problem between my boyfriend and I in planning our future together is the question of how our children will be raised. I have agreed to a Catholic wedding and, as such, am aware of the promise he must make to do his best to raise our children in the Catholic faith. Although there are things I disagree with in the Catholic faith, I am respectful of it and believe that there are many very good things about it. [/quote:ximb467u]
    [color=darkred:ximb467u]Blessings to you, and very unselfish of you.[/color:ximb467u]
    [quote:ximb467u]My concern is that I have seen a condescending and hateful attitude toward Protestants in many Catholic congregations, although this is not necessarily taught in the Catholic faith. I have a sense of being “unwelcome” in many, though certainly not all, Catholic churches. In no way do I want my children to pick up that attitude. Further, I want my children to know and understand my faith in addition to the Catholic faith.

    Any thoughts on solutions or compromises in this dilemma? I have finally decided to post this question in this forum because of the thoughtfulness and love for non-Catholic Christians I have seen in your other responses.[/quote:ximb467u]
    [color=darkred:ximb467u]I wouldn’t want my kids to pick that up either. Unfortunately we have our uncharitable group of Catholics as well. That isn’t an easy fix and you may have to extend love and patience if you choose to continue with raising your kids catholic. The mature and charitable one (you in this case) is usually the one who has to have the patience in such scenarios. I would recommend you talk to someone in the parish that can voice your concern and set them straight. They shouldn’t be doing that and it certainly isn’t welcoming to do so.[/color:ximb467u]

    #7340

    If Catholics are being anti-Protestant, slap ’em upside the head and tell them they aren’t being very ecumenical <img src=” title=”Wink” />

    In all seriousness… I have never really witnessed distinct anti-Protestantism at my Churches. Obviously, we preach that Protestantism is wrong, but it is a facet of Catholicism that has been emphasized by leaders of the Church in recent years that we must reach out to, not shun, other religions.

    Of course, I’d rather shun Tom Cruise, but he is a totally different story. lol

    One thing to remember: sometimes, *people* are simply condescending. What you percieve as looking down on your Lutheranism might simply be normal, everyday arrogance. Goodness knows I sometimes get impatience with those who possess brains which are… uh… how can I put this…

    Uh, never mind. Before I go off screwing humility yet again. heh

    One final note: in my own discussions with Protestants, they always stay civil until the Protestant decides to get belligerent. Then I turn the argument switch on, mow him down, and move on. But I don’t get argumentative until they do. Point being, as long as you are charitable, most likely they will be also.

    #7341

    Of course, you could make the whole thing simpler by just becoming Catholic <img src=” title=”Very Happy” />

    #7347

    jent
    Member

    Thank you all for your encouraging responses. Any thoughts on how to find a situation where our children will understand my religion also? Currently we attend my church one week and his church the other. I am content with this arrangement for now and for the future, but he feels that it is completely unsuitable for children. We both agree that it is important to us to attend church as a family. I am uncomfortable for both myself and my future children to attend ONLY Catholic mass. It is important to me to expose them to the Lutheran Church also.

    #7350

    XC
    Member

    I read someplace (can’t say where, sorry, so it may be completely bogus) that children who are raised “mixed” like that overwhelmingly end up atheists.

    The theory is that when parents try to teach that one of these two ways is the right one, they learn that there IS no right one, and what’s the point anyway.

    #7353

    Bernardine
    Member

    [color=green:1nn7c9zc]Hi Jent! I was in the same situation as you. I am Catholic and my wife is Lutheran. We have a 2 year old girl together. We would go to my church one weekend and her church the following weekend. We were in the same dilemma as you are right now. Ultimately we relied heavily on prayer, asking God’s for guidance. My wife understood she couldn’t do it alone. After much praying, she was ready to open herself up to the will of God. Two years later, my wife is now attending RCIA classes at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church and we go to only that church. Pray to God with an open and sincere heart, asking for direction in your faith. I promise you, that prayer will not go unanswered. In the meantime, keep doing what you and your husband are doing and just live life the best you possibly can.[/color:1nn7c9zc]

    #7356

    Benedict
    Member

    What do you find at a Lutheran service that you cannot get at Catholic mass?

    #7358

    Victor
    Member

    [quote:2pf9xyu8]What do you find at a Lutheran service that you cannot get at Catholic mass?[/quote:2pf9xyu8]

    [color=darkred:2pf9xyu8]Anti-Protestanism.[/color:2pf9xyu8]

    #7384

    ^Uh… I think you have that backwards?

    #7386

    Victor
    Member

    [quote:3egey8gy]^Uh… I think you have that backwards?[/quote:3egey8gy]

    [color=darkred:3egey8gy]???? <img src=” title=”Neutral” /> [/color:3egey8gy]

    #7387

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:1ddn4zrr][quote:1ddn4zrr]^Uh… I think you have that backwards?[/quote:1ddn4zrr]

    [color=darkred:1ddn4zrr]???? <img src=” title=”Neutral” /> [/color:1ddn4zrr][/quote:1ddn4zrr]
    In your previous post you’re saying that you will find Anti-Protestantism at a Lutheran service which seems quite contrary considering Lutherans are Protestants. <img src=” title=”Wink” />

    #7388

    Victor
    Member

    [quote:63vvglm5][quote:63vvglm5][quote:63vvglm5]^Uh… I think you have that backwards?[/quote:63vvglm5]

    [color=darkred:63vvglm5]???? <img src=” title=”Neutral” /> [/color:63vvglm5][/quote:63vvglm5]
    In your previous post you’re saying that you will find Anti-Protestantism at a Lutheran service which seems quite contrary considering Lutherans are Protestants. <img src=” title=”Wink” />[/quote:63vvglm5]
    [color=darkred:63vvglm5]
    LOL……the way Benedict posed the question threw me off.

    I read it as:
    What can you not find in a Lutheran service that you cannot get at Catholic mass?[/color:63vvglm5]

    #7389

    Bernardine
    Member

    n/a

    #7391

    weather
    Member

    <img src=” title=”Smile” /> There is a old saying(which you young ones probably never heard).”A marriage is made in heaven”.I often wonder what the divorce ratio is between Catholics and Lutherans? I guess if they believe in Jesus Christ as there Savior thats all that matters.

    #7392

    XC
    Member

    Straying off topic a bit…

    Are there really that many Lutherans where you folks are? When I picture Lutherans, I think of the 16th century. I can’t recall ever having met one.

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