Hello Tee.
Upfront I want to apologize- I had been following your posts and a while ago I wrote a long response only to have it terminated when my computer went down. I tend to be a bit superstitious about that happening- because I do get very “wordy” sometimes in my attempts to help.
So I will see what thoughts are still with me regarding your posts. To begin, my husband and I fell away from the church for a while. To put it in a nutshell—I believed very much in God- but the behaviors that we witnessed both at mass and apart from it by catholics just disturbed us. I did not know if I wanted my christian beliefs to be associated with the poor behaviors I witnessed……..time elapses we have a family and I sit in on RCIA sessions when our daughters were young.
I am kind of equating my feelings about ‘the church’ with your feelings about the organization and pastors of the church. Incidently your experiences also remind me of how some people have all the luck, (bad luck) in particular areas of life. Do you know what I mean? I have one friend who all thru high school , college and her first marriage, had bad experiences with men, other folks I know have all the run ins with legal stuff, or perhaps health. I really feel for you and the negative experiences you have had
my reaction is to say that this really does color your world a certain hue.
Back to my time sitting in on RCIA-the deacon who led them(and later became very good friends with our family) said to me…DO NOT LET THE POOR BEHAVIOURS OF OTHER CHRISTIANS WATER DOWN YOUR OWN FAITH. I put that in caps because it has had by far the biggest impact on my faith journey. It was like ‘aha-right- I have faith-it is a God given faith, and why should I let anyone else take that away??!!)
am I still disturbed by the behaviors that once led me away? You bet I am, but now I see myself as wanting to serve God the way that HE would like me to serve Him, and try to influence others to believe in Jesus.
As recently as the last two years an aquaintance who I work with in our parish- a person who by the way drives me crazy with his own seemingly contradictive behaviors, said at a meeting
Jesus came for sinners-they are the ones who need Him (people without sin don’t need Him). Pow! if that wasn’t God directing me thru the words of someone I don’t particularly like and making me see things in a new light!.
As you can see I am correct in worrying about the wordiness of my replies, so I will see what you think of this before I say more.
Also I don’t know If I am just on a different wavelength but I just don’t feel the holding back of women in the church-perhaps not because it does not exist but because I personalize my time with Jesus-imagining how He related to women most beautifully in the scriptures. In my own little life when I am serving or trying to serve God I just don’t have time to think about others that would seem to be holding me back. Look to the saints Tee, the female saints, most of them really got a bum rap with hierarchy but God supplied them with everything they needed to accomplish His will.
My prayers are with you Tee.