10. Life is sexually transmitted.
9. Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die
8. Men have two emotions: Horny and Hungry. If he’s not chasing you, make him a sandwich. (Is that true?)
7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a slinky – not really good for much, but you can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars,and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
2. In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.