- June 15, 2005 at 6:43 am #1096
I’m a non-Catholic. I’ve been dating a girl who’s a strong Catholic, as is her family. I’m in love with her and I want to marry her. This may sound like I’m only worried about sex, but that isn’t the case. I just need to know the Catholic position, as I’ve heard a few things. I grew up, and continue to be a strong evangelical Christian (no problems between families as of yet!) but I was taught that sex is a gift from God for a man and a woman to enjoy within the confines of marriage. I totally agree with that, and it’s also been obvious to me that Catholics are also against fornication. My girlfriend and I haven’t partaken in sexual activity, as both our faith backgrounds are against it before marriage. Now, my question is, when and if we do get married, is sex ok whenever, or, as I was told by one individual, is it a sin against the church to have intercourse without the sole purpose of creating a child? My opinion, and my understanding from my upbringing is, as long as you are husband and wife, sex is fine, as long as you aren’t addicted and it takes away from other important things in your life. I think that if a couple abstains before marriage, which we are clearly instructed to do in the Bible, that sex can be enjoyed as an act of intimacy of two people who have waited for each other, and God’s gift to us can be used for pleasure, especially when the woman isn’t in the fertile stage of her cycle, including foreplay methods. I really feel as though this girl is the one for me, but will it be a sin against the Catholic church if I show my love to her sexually on our wedding night without the intention of getting pregnant??? Please help!June 15, 2005 at 2:32 pm #5096
Welcome, man. You have been misled about Catholic teachings just slightly.
Yes, marriage is reserved for a man and a woman who are married, but each act of sexual intercourse need not be for the intent of producing children.
When you get married you need to [b:3s9fq0qo]open[/b:3s9fq0qo] to having children. In other words sex is not necessarily done for the sole purpose of having children, but that the 2 of you realize that’s how babies are made and in the event your wife gets pregnant you accept that child lovingly and as a gift from God.
This is not to say that each time you have sex that it needs to be expressly for reproduction. ” title=”Wink” />June 15, 2005 at 10:47 pm #5110
ok, relieving to know…next question, birth control…i also understand that birth control methods are a no no. when i first learned this, i assumed it just meant foreign objects such as condoms and the pill…but on another site, similar to this one, i read that it also includes the withdrawl method…true? if so, does that not contradict the fact that each session of intercourse doesn’t have to be to create a child? ” title=”Confused” /> or does this just mean you should abstain from sex during female menstration? i’m sorry, so many questions, but i need to know these facts so i don’t do anything wrong with this girl. – thanxJune 16, 2005 at 12:00 am #5112
[quote:3fy9nfgo]i read that it also includes the withdrawl method…true?[/quote:3fy9nfgo]
The short answer is Yes. You can read more on it here:
[quote:3fy9nfgo]if so, does that not contradict the fact that each session of intercourse doesn’t have to be to create a child?[/quote:3fy9nfgo]
As Jon said, the point is that you be [b:3fy9nfgo]open[/b:3fy9nfgo] to having children at each session of intercourse. The Catholic Church does not teach that you have to attempt to have a child at every session. Only be open to it and don’t use any method that stops the natural process from occuring. Sperm into the female by natural means. That would exclude the withdrawal method. Technically there is only like a 4 day window for your wife to get pregnant.
[quote:3fy9nfgo]or does this just mean you should abstain from sex during female menstration?[/quote:3fy9nfgo]
It’s actually when she is ovulating not menstrating. If you aren’t planning on having a child at that time of your life, then yes that is basically how it works. You abstain for that period of time. As catholics we are encouraged to use the NFP method. Which is basically a temperature check of the female body. You can do some more reading on it if you’d like. If I find a good link I will come back and post it.
Hope this helps.
~VictorAugust 11, 2005 at 7:11 am #5403
i hate to beat a dead horse here guys, lol, but is using NFP not actually a TYPE of birth control??? i mean, the couple obviously knows they will not get pregnant if they have sex at these specific times, so…is it really THAT different from withdrawing or using a condom? or is this just a loop hole? i’m sorry, i’m learning alot about catholic faith, but i’m just having trouble wrapping my head around this one…August 11, 2005 at 2:29 pm #5404
It is not a loop hole but it is a type of birth control – specifically, it is the type of birth control that respects and utilizes the manner in which God created us.
Condoms introduce a foreign element into sex and deliberately and actively blocks the reproductive means.
Contraceptive pills introduce a foreign element and also deliberately and actively block reproduction.
Withdrawal introduces a foreign element and deliberately and actively blocks reproduction.
Natural family planning utilizes the natural infertility of a woman’s cycle and inactively avoids reproduction.
The basic framework of NFP, that of tracking a woman’s cycle, can and should be practiced at all times by a couple. Using the knowledge of that cycle to abstain from relations during the fertile part of her cycle should only be used when necessary.
The main difference between NFP and other methods of birth control is that NFP is built-in to the fertility cycle. A woman is naturally infertile because God made her so. NFP utilizes this natural infertility.
Other forms of birth control actively work to prevent and pervert a natural part of sex. Condoms and diaphragms block an ejaculation. Birth control pills alter a woman’s hormones to stop ovulation. Etc.
It basically comes down to this: the ends do not justify the means.
Are there legitimate reasons to avoid a pregnancy? Yes.
Are there legitimate means by which to avoid pregnancy? Yes. Abstain from sex. That is exactly how NFP works. You do not have sex when a woman is most likely to conceive.
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