Returning to full communion with church…how?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Fred 10 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #883

    tee
    Member

    I have been denying myself the Eucharist and the Sacrament of Reconciliation since attempting to return to Mass because I was told that my husband’s first (teenage) marriage must be annulled by the Church before I can return to being in full communion with the Church.

    I’ve been married for almost 21 years! My husband is not Catholic. He refuses to have his first marriage annulled because he doesn’t want to dredge up a painful chapter from his past, and especially because he’d prefer I never set foot in a Catholic church again, after what happened to me at the hands of my last pastor. (I think I posted about that on “General Catholic Practices” here.)

    I even asked our Archbishop about it, and he basically said, “Well, if your husband dies, THEN you can return. Until then, lotsa luck.” (Gee…my husband is 46…he might be dead by the time he’s 80 or 90. What a macabre consideration!) But then, I’ve had individual priests tell me that [i:15h4od0e]they[/i:15h4od0e] consider my marriage valid, and that I should return to Communion and Confession.

    Now, our 8 year old daughter wants to start attending CCD at my last parish. She was never baptized, but her two best friends go to church there, and she wants to learn more about God and her Guardian Angel. I can’t even set FOOT in that church, because my ex-pastor wrote me a letter asking me to have no further contact with him. (No, I didn’t do anything wrong. He thinks [i:15h4od0e]he[/i:15h4od0e] did.)

    So, any advice? NOW what do I do?

    Therese

    #3231

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    I’m not sure I see what’s so hard about your husband getting an annulment.
    Not trying to be insensitive. Sorry if I am. :oops:

    #3250

    tee
    Member

    Hiya, Jon…

    My husband won’t even consider filling out the paperwork now. He knows that that’s what it would take for me to return to full communion with the Church, and he doesn’t [i:1tz0w7yo]want[/i:1tz0w7yo] me to return. He sees the Church as a hierarchy which has abused lots of people through the centuries, and I’m just their latest victim. He also feels that the Church is run by bitter old men who have NO clue how it is to live in the real world. <img src=” title=”Sad” /> And he also sees the Church as using women as baby factories, to “propagate the faith”.

    Besides that, annulments can be expensive, and it would mean he would have to find his ex-wife and contact her. Then a Church representative would have to conrtact her and ask her lovely questions like, “Did you want children from this marriage?” and “Why did you seek a divorce?”

    She had 3 abortions while married to my husband, and she left him to run off with another guy. :!: Will she admit these things? I have no idea. :rolleyes:

    I am looking into the “Welcome Home” program for returning Catholics. I’ll have to commute to one, because I have had several priests [i:1tz0w7yo]privately[/i:1tz0w7yo] tell me that they would not deny me Communion or Confession, because after almost 21 years of being married, they consider my marriage valid.

    I’m wearing out, Jon. I had no idea returning to the Church would be this hard. Most churches I’ve been to WANT me to be a member. <img src=” title=”Sad” />

    #3251

    tee
    Member

    I’ll have to commute to a “welcome Home” program because I live in the sticks. That’s okay, though, as long as THEY don’t throw me out, too.

    #3252

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    Wow, I had no idea an annulment was such a pain. :shock:

    [quote:z6l1y1k5]I have had several priests privately tell me that they would not deny me Communion or Confession[/quote:z6l1y1k5]
    no priest can deny you a confession <img src=” title=”Wink” />

    Was your husband’s previous marriage a Catholic one?

    [quote:z6l1y1k5]He sees the Church as a hierarchy which has abused lots of people through the centuries, and I’m just their latest victim. He also feels that the Church is run by bitter old men who have NO clue how it is to live in the real world. [/quote:z6l1y1k5]
    Well, to say the least, [b:z6l1y1k5]individuals[/b:z6l1y1k5] within the Church have abused people through the centuries, but that doesn’t mean the Church as a whole is like that or even promotes that. The flip side is to look at all the good the Church has done.

    Also, it may be true that the Church is run by bitter old men who have no clue how to live in the real world, but then again the clergy is here to help us live up to an ideal – an ideal that helps us be more like Christ.

    Priests have their problems just as all other people have their problems too, but perhaps some of them just don’t know how to get help for them. I don’t think priests are “bred” to be a particular way and it’s certainly not an institutional policy.

    Anyway, enough about that. <img src=” title=”Smile” />

    What does the Welcome Home program consist of?

    #3275

    tee
    Member

    Jon!

    I don’t know how to use the funky little quote box, but you said, “No priest can deny you confession”.

    Au contraire, at least in my “Dogma and doctrine take precedence to caring and compassion” Archdiocese. <img src=” title=”Sad” />

    But I DID have a [i:3p41liq0]really[/i:3p41liq0] cool priest from Australia tell me that [i:3p41liq0]he[/i:3p41liq0] considers my marriage valid, especially since I’ve been married for over 20 years to the same guy and I have been faithful to him, <img src=” title=”Wink” /> and would therefore not deny me eather Reconciliation [i:3p41liq0]or[/i:3p41liq0] the Eucharist. <img src=” title=”Very Happy” />

    As for the “Welcome Home” program, I understand that it’s for inactive/alienated Catholics to return to the Church. We’ll see.[/quote]

    #3276

    [quote:2eyv9yc0]Jon!

    I don’t know how to use the funky little quote box, but you said, “No priest can deny you confession”.

    Au contraire, at least in my “Dogma and doctrine take precedence to caring and compassion” Archdiocese. <img src=” title=”Sad” />

    But I DID have a [i:2eyv9yc0]really[/i:2eyv9yc0] cool priest from Australia tell me that [i:2eyv9yc0]he[/i:2eyv9yc0] considers my marriage valid, especially since I’ve been married for over 20 years to the same guy and I have been faithful to him, <img src=” title=”Wink” /> and would therefore not deny me eather Reconciliation [i:2eyv9yc0]or[/i:2eyv9yc0] the Eucharist. <img src=” title=”Very Happy” />

    As for the “Welcome Home” program, I understand that it’s for inactive/alienated Catholics to return to the Church. We’ll see.[/quote:2eyv9yc0][/quote]

    Reconciliation is a difficult thing. I will pray for you

    #3280

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    [quote:kfwntrp5]I don’t know how to use the funky little quote box, but you said, “No priest can deny you confession”.

    Au contraire, at least in my “Dogma and doctrine take precedence to caring and compassion” Archdiocese. <img src=” title=”Sad” /> [/quote:kfwntrp5]

    Maybe I should make a little tutorial on that because other people have asked too…

    So, let me get this straight – there have been priests who have denied you from going to the sacrament of reconciliation or they just won’t forgive some sins?

    #3287

    tee
    Member

    Jon,

    Archbishop Charles Chaput told me HIMSELF, in an email, that if my husband doesn’t get his first marriage annulled, I’m stuck, unless he dies before I do. He said the Pope made that rule.

    There’s at least one other person in my old parish in the same predicament. [i:321wfvht]We[/i:321wfvht] get punished because we married non-Catholics who were married in non-Catholic religious ceremonies.

    Would Jesus have withheld himself from us? I doubt it.

    #3396

    Fred
    Member

    Peace be with you,

    Not to disagree with the Archbishop but I have never hear or seen anything that the Holy Father says about that. Now Canon Law has certain requirements that must be done to bless your current marriage and annul the past marriages.

    Now in 1991 when my wife and I wanted to get married in the church we had to seek out a Canon Lawyer because I had been divorced once and that marriage was not in the Church, was a Methodist marriage (don’t ask lol).

    I had to promise to raise our children Catholic and abide by the Church. No money exchanged hands, within a month my first marriage was annulled and we were able to married in the church and all has been well since.

    I would suggest you go to the Archdiocese and seek out a Canon Lawyer further, read this portion of the Canon concerning Divorce http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05054c.htm and prepare yourself. I honestly cannot see why the Church would refuse this. If they do again, they you can try to have it done by an act of papal authority.

    I hope this helps and gives you new direction to proceed!

    Fred,

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