Please help me understand about masses dedicated to deceased

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Joxios 3 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #2073

    Marie
    Member

    In the Catholic faith, what happens when a child is born into a family where the date falls on the anniversary death of a relative? Is this child expected to accept that family members will choose to attend the deceased relative’s dedicated masses versus celebrating the child’s birthdays?
    My father-in-law passed away Oct.29, 2008, my granddaughter was born Oct. 29, 2009…….she will be turning 2 this Saturday. A birthday celebration has been planned for her on her birthday. My husband’s family (15+ family members) will not be attending her birthday celebration because of a Saturday evening mass with my deceased father-in-law’s name being mentioned at the end for dedication.
    I’m just trying to understand why this is? I loved my father-in-law dearly and miss him very much but find this “situation” quite awkward. I feel sad for my granddaughter that her special day, possibly all of her birthdays, she will never have my husband’s side of the family celebrating her life. Please help me understand this

    #10122

    Andres Ortiz
    Keymaster

    Hi Marie. The Catholic faith has no opinion on the matter. Some people feel strongly about attending Mass on the anniversary of a loved one’s death, especially if they have asked for the Mass to be celebrated in that person’s honor (called a Mass intention).

    One solution would be to ask your granddaughter’s parents to schedule future birthday parties around future anniversary Masses. Knowing that this is an important family custom could help both sides to make some sort of compromise. It might be a tough negotiation, but if everyone is reasonable it seems that both occasions can be celebrated.

    #10126

    leegal
    Member

    If the Mass is held in the evening, is it possible that they can attend both — or is it that they hold this to be a solemn day and no celebrations of any kind are acceptable?

    Possibly, as time goes by they may relax their restriction. I’ve never heard of any prohibition from the Church which prevents any celebrations on the anniversary of a death. If that were true within the Church, few days would allow for celebrations.

    I suspect that this may have more of a cultural rather than religious basis. Right now she’s two so she won’t yet understand, being caught up in the celebration on the actual date. For now, at her age, she will enjoy an extended birthday when she gets to celebrate it on two different days. Give this time.

    Though it’s one of those coincidences in life, only you would know if you can or should broach the topic with them.

    Good luck; maybe time is the solution here. The second year of grieving is known to be the worst, so the 3rd anniversary will end that second year. Possibly healing can now begin and the dilemma will take care of itself eventually.

    #10286

    Joxios
    Member
    "Marie":26d8j2j1 wrote:
    In the Catholic faith, what happens when a child is born into a family where the date falls on the anniversary death of a relative? Is this child expected to accept that family members will choose to attend the deceased relative’s dedicated masses versus celebrating the child’s birthdays?
    My father-in-law passed away Oct.29, 2008, my granddaughter was born Oct. 29, 2009…….she will be turning 2 this Saturday. A birthday celebration has been planned for her on her birthday. My husband’s family (15+ family members) will not be attending her birthday celebration because of a Saturday evening mass with my deceased father-in-law’s name being mentioned at the end for dedication.
    I’m just trying to understand why this is? I loved my father-in-law dearly and miss him very much but find this “situation” quite awkward. I feel sad for my granddaughter that her special day, possibly all of her birthdays, she will never have my husband’s side of the family celebrating her life. Please help me understand this[/quote:26d8j2j1]
    Hi,

    Is it the Catholic Faith? or a family Tradition?

    Time seems a little short for making it a Family Tradition, and they could do a memorial Mass on another day.

    Get out your Catholic Bible Look up Sirach 38: 15- 23,

    Sirach says, “the Dead are dead the living go on living”

    God bless,
    John

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