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Hi Marie. The Catholic faith has no opinion on the matter. Some people feel strongly about attending Mass on the anniversary of a loved one’s death, especially if they have asked for the Mass to be celebrated in that person’s honor (called a Mass intention).
One solution would be to ask your granddaughter’s parents to schedule future birthday parties around future anniversary Masses. Knowing that this is an important family custom could help both sides to make some sort of compromise. It might be a tough negotiation, but if everyone is reasonable it seems that both occasions can be celebrated.