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I think what most people, who live in democratic societies, forget that religion is not a democracy.
While we might want to change dogma or doctrine, and civil society is moving forward in personal and legal areas, no religion is a democracy whereby the religious authority is required to meet these civil changes. The two are decidedly separate and the Vatican, for example (or any religious authority) is not required to follow suit. I see no conflict really. Unless a religion advocated for something civilly illegal, then religion and the law are in conflict. But, when a religion does not change dogma or doctrine to meet societal changes — or, in this case, NYS passing a gay marriage law — there is no conflict if the Vatican does not change with this law. It’s a separate domain.
Even believing that a religious authority, such as the Vatican, should change with this law would be violative of our First Amendment and 14th Amendments to the U.S. Constitution, as it would unnecessarily entangle government in religion.
I wanted to add that the passing of a gay marriage law in NYS imposes no obligation on any one to do any thing. We are still free to act within our faith.
I thought it was interesting that Pope Benedict XVI “lessened” the prohibition on condom use by stating that there was a greater evil — the sin of passing on a life-threatening disease.